With Mother’s Day fast approaching, many people look to Rory and Lorelai Gilmore as an example of the ideal mother-daughter relationship. But, if your mom never wore your clothes, called you her …
Four tips for mental wellness that don’t do shit because it’s dark at fucking 4pm
It’s important to do everything possible to stay ahead of the winter blahs, especially as the long nights drag on and January’s icy grasp makes you want to leave this frigid mortal coil. Luckily,…
“Politics don’t affect me”, says guy complaining about inflation, the price of gas, the housing market, cost of living, ER wait times, and crippling student debt
AJAX, ON – Local gas station cashier Geoff Wayne is proud to report that politics don’t affect him despite political policy being the source of every single one of his problems. “Listen, I …
Middle Finger named “Official Bird” of Ontario highways
BARRIE – In the wake of a population boom, the Province of Ontario is proud to announce that the middle finger has been tapped as the “Official Bird” of their roadways. “For years, you cou…
Report: The only thing that loves you unconditionally also loves licking its own butthole
VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia Faculty of Science report that the only thing that loves you without question feels the same way about tonguing its tuchus. The…
“I’m pro-life, but…” says guy about to discover he is pro-choice
SUDBURY, ON – Local man Nick Jacobs declared this weekend that he was confident in his pro-life stance despite making every pro-choice argument there is. Eight minutes after arriving at his…
Feminist Ally only calls his girlfriend hysterical when she is actually on her period
SUDBURY, ON – Proud feminist Brad Daniels revealed that he only uses “hysterical”, a term that labels emotional women as hormonal, when it really is his girlfriend’s time of the month. Brad…
Tragic! This woman still not picking up game as it goes along
Bad news, folks. Tiffany Crane reports that she still doesn’t understand how to play the fantasy TTRPG “Slay the Gauntlet” despite her boyfriend’s insistence that she’ll totally figure out the co…
Heartbreaking! This woman’s boss just asked her to share her screen with, like, zero warning!
Horror! Marketing manager Jessica Burns reported that her boss Sherry, without any notice or provocation, asked her to share her screen during a team-wide Google Meets call today which was honest…
Conservative Party of Canada vows not to change ambiguous stance on abortion
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has announced that, despite the growing pro-life movement in the United States government, Canadians can rest easy knowing that they won’t know the…