Toronto ON —Gary Packett, 35, has already achieved his weight loss goal of losing 100 pounds, thanks to his revolutionary new diet consisting entirely of raw milk, raw chicken, and a healthy dos…
Canada upsets Puerto Rico and Washington DC by cutting statehood line
Washington DC – After months of Trump pontificating that Canada would make a great state, the US Department of the Interior has updated its “Statehood Waitlist.” Canada now has the top spot…
“Not All Billionaires!” says billionaire Mark Cuban
Dallas, Texas —Amid growing concerns about the influence of the ultra-wealthy, billionaire Mark Cuban has issued a heartfelt plea via the jumbotron at the Dallas Mavericks stadium, “Not all billi…
Non-confrontational couple spends night saying “Whatever works for you” before quietly falling asleep
JASPER BC—According to sources close to the matter, primarily their quietly baffled cat, Muffins, Hannah Mitchell and Victor Chang successfully spent five straight hours on Friday date night refu…
Doctor turns to ChatGPT for novel ways to say ‘it’s all in your head’ to female patients
Halifax, NS – Looking to take advantage of AI in his practice, Dr. Allan George turned to ChatGPT for novel ways to tell female patients “It’s all in your head.” Dr. George, a rheumatologis…
Next season on Bluey – Bluey’s mom makes a mistake
Brisbane, Australia – The creators of Bluey have unveiled a massive spoiler for the next season: Bluey’s mum Chili will make a mistake for the first time in the show’s history. The number o…
Homeowner hopes $5K window can double as wifi booster, life coach, or leader of the Liberal Party
CALGARY AB – Homeowners Wendy and Amir Fam were left wondering what else the $5,000 window could do as they gazed out their new state-of-the-art triple pane glass. Initially, they took turn…
Steamy Romantasy goes into specifics of dragon sex
Vancouver, BC – The newest romantasy, Wings of Passion, is incredibly graphic in its specificity about dragon sex. Sarah Butler was excited to read the newest novel by author Becky Yates. T…
Mom debating between saying sorry or just never talking to adult kids again
Winnipeg, MB – After realizing she messed up, mother Irena Dublin is debating between saying sorry or just never talking to her adult children again. The family planned a dinner together an…
All emotional support tabs lost in recent Chrome update
Charlottetown, PEI – Despite promises that all tabs would reopen, a trusting local woman lost all of her emotional support tabs in a recent Chrome update. Michelle Greene has had at least 8…
