MONTREAL – A recent examination of the Pro-Palestine protest encampment set up on the McGill University campus has found that the students involved are currently living in conditions that are much more sanitary than in any of the university’s student residence buildings.
“Right now we can’t bathe, we have limited power, and every time someone has sex, we can all hear it. It’s like I never left Molson Hall,” said Fatima Haroun, emptying a bucket of thankfully unidentified liquid into a storm drain. “At least out here, the smell of vomit will get carried away by rain eventually.”
“I’m okay to live in these deplorable conditions to give aid to Gaza, but I draw the line at living at Upper Rez to get my English BA.”
It’s not only the protestors who are noticing an improvement in the living conditions since the protest began. Officer Luis Trudel of the Montreal Police Service states that his precinct has noticed a marked improvement in the hygiene of the protestors they interact with.
“Honestly, we’re more likely to find scabies on the kids we bust for noise violations than anyone we’ve arrested in this protest. It’s been really nice, not having to put on a gas mask to go into La Citadelle to break up a loud party.”
“I just wish the city would let us tear down those residences just like when they will inevitably send us to tear down all those tents. These kids can’t have been out here long enough to get all the mold out of their lungs ”
The protest at McGill began on April 27th. In addition to requiring the university to stop investing in companies with ties to Israel and protecting their rights to protest, the protestors have since extended their demands to ask that students be given the option to camp on school grounds after the protest so they can avoid the having to walk through their roommate’s bong cloud the first thing in the morning.
Despite efforts from the university’s administration to shut down the demonstration, there appears to be no end to the protest in sight. Senior staff members, like Marcelle Leroux, have tried several tactics to end the protest quickly, but have been thwarted at every turn.
“We tried calling the health department hoping the living conditions would be filthy enough that the court would finally allow us to evict them, but all they did was make us burn all the mattresses in the dorm.”
At press time, McGill is considering converting some of the now vacant residences to their original function; bankrupt hotels.
