VANCOUVER – On his drive from West Van to Burnaby, experienced commuter Richard Blair has fallen into a deep sleep and is completely oblivious of several rapidly approaching vehicles.
“Holy fucking hell!” commented Sarah Crowley, one of the drivers heading directly at Blair’s Honda Accord. Adding, “Shit, shit, shit!”
Mr. Blair is currently enjoying a dream where the world is made of cheese and his fingers are crackers. “Mmm, havarti and saltines. Doesn’t get any better than this”, he mumbled as his car mounted the sidewalk, causing pedestrians to scatter in panic.
“I told him not to eat that triple-decker turkey sandwich at lunch” said Mike Fowler, a colleague at Mr. Blair’s office. “And who drinks an entire glass of warm milk before getting into their car? He was just asking for this to happen.”
Statistics Canada states that once Mr. Blair dies in a fiery inferno it will be 2016’s third fatality due to blissfully dreaming like a newborn.
Richard eventually began to turn off an imaginary alarm clock as police sirens blared behind his careening vehicle.
Before impact, Mr. Blair has been quoted saying, “Ahhhhhh!”
