NHL refs congratulate NBA counterpart for screwing over Toronto team "even better than we do" - The Beaverton
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NHL refs congratulate NBA counterpart for screwing over Toronto team “even better than we do”

TORONTO – In the wake of the second straight loss to the Philadelphia 76ers the association has congratulated officiating for screwing over the Toronto based team even more severely than they usually do.

“We usually do our best to tilt the odds against Toronto by ignoring clear penalties on their stars,” said NHL referee rep Mike Spector. “But clearly we are mere amateurs compared to your complete and total ability to stop any momentum by calling foul after foul against them.”

“I mean, giving the Sixers 30 free throws to the Raptors 12? That’s pure genius.”

NHL and NBA have long been locked in a constant battle to see who can make their sport worse. The NHL has gone with classics like ‘refuse to enforce the rules when the game actually matters’ while the NBA has developed a patented ‘star rules system’ where there is one set of rules for star players like Embiid and another for role players. Both pale in comparison to MLB umpires strategy of just being terrible all the time, but they’re still trying.

“The best part was you didn’t even need to make those calls since the Sixers were playing well enough to win anyway. But still you did. Again and again and again and again and again,” added Spector.

NBA refs thanked the NHL refs for their support and advised they look forward to pretending to call the game clean for the first 3 quarters of game 3, only to give Embiid 24 free throws in the fourth quarter to seal the win.