TORONTO – Hardcore Raptors fans have had it and are calling out Glenn, a young English bulldog, for his phoney basketball fandom. “Glenn is such a poser,” said superfan Colin Ford. “He owns three…
Tag: Raptors
Tory assures voters he only needs one more term to make Toronto as inhospitable as it is expensive
TORONTO – Running for re-election Mayor John Tory has promised voters that, with just one more term, he can complete his mission to make Toronto just as terrible to live in as it is crippli…
NHL refs congratulate NBA counterpart for screwing over Toronto team “even better than we do”
TORONTO – In the wake of the Toronto Raptors second straight loss to the Philadelphia 76ers the NHL referees association has congratulated NBA officiating for screwing over the Toronto base…
Dominatrix offers her Subs new punishment that replicates pain, humiliation of being a Leafs fan
TORONTO – Mistress Saphira, a local Dom who specializes in unique tortures for her clients to endure, has developed a new punishment for Subs eager to feel the pain & humiliation Leafs …
In preparation for Florida move Raptors replace logo with image of shirtless man shooting fireworks at an Alligator
TAMPA – As part of their preparation to temporarily become a Florida based NBA team the Toronto Raptors have replaced their ‘claw’ logo with a cartoon of a shirtless man shootin…
Oakland cop claims Ujiri’s chest caused permanent injuries to his fists
Oakland, CA – In the wake of a video clearly showing that he assaulted Raptors president Masai Ujiri, Oakland deputy Alan Strickland has amended his lawsuit to claim that Ujiri’s chest and …
Drake caught sneaking into Raptors’ bubble again
ORLANDO – International recording superstar and desperate Raptors fanboy Drake was once again caught trying to sneak into the Raptors’ quarantine zone in Disney World. “Come on,…
Fairweather Raptors fans excited for whenever the season starts
TORONTO – From coast to coast to coast, fans of the NBA Champion Toronto Raptors who started following the team during last year’s historic playoff run are expressing excitement for the sta…
Kawhi celebrates return to Toronto by visiting his favourite H&R Block
TORONTO – Several months after leading the Raptors to their first NBA title Kawhi Leonard has returned to Toronto, so naturally has marked his return to the city by spending the afternoon a…
Doug Ford demands officer who carded Masai Ujiri be allowed to march in Raptors parade
TORONTO – Once again standing up for the rights of police officers everywhere, Ontario Premier Doug Ford demanded today that the unnamed officer who reportedly stopped and shoved team manag…