TORONTO – After using the notwithstanding clause to pass a bill designed to stop teachers’ and nurses’ unions from running ads criticizing him, Doug Ford and the Ontario PCs have now invoked the clause a second time in order to pass a bill making it illegal to criticize him for using the first notwithstanding clause.
“We used the notwithstanding clause to stop third party groups from nitpicking every little thing the government has done, like making license plates that were a bit too dark or leaving thousands of seniors to die in long term care homes,” said Ford. “But then a bunch of you started attacking us for doing that and we didn’t like it. So bam! Second notwithstanding clause in your face.”
When asked what he would do if people criticized this second use of an extreme legislative power to override Ontarians’ charter right Ford winked and said “don’t want to give away the surprise” before admitting that, yes, it would be a third notwithstanding clause.
“Criticize us for this notwithstanding clause? We got another notwithstanding clause ready in the hopper. And another and another and another until you folks learn not to say mean things about ol’ Dougie.”
Asked how the government could possibly do the work required to constantly pass notwithstanding clause legislation AND successfully operate the vaccination portal needed to get the province their second dose of the COVID vaccine, Health Minister Christine Elliot laughed and laughed and laughed.
At press time Doug Ford was planning on using the notwithstanding clause to pass a law requiring everyone bring him an ice cream sundae whenever he wants one.
