HEAVEN – On a short Zoom call with stakeholders, today, God informed those present that the most recent mass shooting in the United States was the result of a too-broad junk filter in Heave…
Tag: shooting
Uvalde police promise that with more funding they will be able to wait even longer in parking lots
UVALDE, TX – Following revelations that police in Uvalde, Texas waited up to an hour in a parking lot outside Robb Elementary before attempting to stop the shooter inside, police department…
CDC announces that schoolchildren can finally swap masks for bulletproof vests
ATLANTA – More than fifteen months into the global COVID-19 pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has announced that children returning to in-person learning can finally …
Air Marshal hoping this is the flight he’ll finally get to shoot someone
DALLAS – After almost a decade of service and thousands of flights Air Marshal Dereck Jakes is hoping this latest flight will be the one where he finally gets to become a hero by shooting a…
Detroit man who shot at unarmed black teen charged with impersonating a police officer
Rochester Hills, MI – Rochester resident Jeffery Zeigler was arrested on Friday after firing at a teen who knocked on his door to ask for directions to school. Local police were quick to condemn …
Christian Bale prepares for role as Dick Cheney by gaining weight, shooting friend in the face
LOS ANGELES – Method actor Christian Bale has gone to great lengths recently in preparation for his role as Dick Cheney in the upcoming biopic Backseat, including shaving his head, gaining a grea…