HOLLYWOOD – Almost 20 years after the first movie became a huge hit, a sequel to The Passion of the Christ has been announced, setting the stage for a massive expansion of the Jesus Christ …
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Farsighted man can only find clitoris from across the room
THUNDER BAY, ON – Optometrist Dr. Emily Hu wasn’t looking for a new case study when she discovered her new boyfriend Hunter Nelson’s excellent far vision somehow hindered his ability to fin…
After “I’m Japanese” controversy Gwen Stefani says “sorry”, immediately claims to be Canadian
CHICAGO – In the wake of a backlash against recent claims by Gwen Stefani that she is “Japanese”, the singer attended a hastily-gathered news conference where she apologised for her hurtful…
Pierre Poilievre challenges Ontario College of Psychologists to a duel over Jordan Peterson’s honour
OTTAWA – Following the news that the College of Psychologists of Ontario have asked clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson to undergo retraining for social media etiquette or lose his licenc…
7 more fake Voltaire quotes to use when making a political argument
“I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to my death your right to say it” is as overused as it is not something Voltaire ever said. So we thought we’d help out by g…
Poll: Majority of Canadians willing to vote for whatever politician promises to slap Galen Weston Jr. in the face
OTTAWA – A recent Angus Reid study has confirmed that Canadian voters are not sure who they will support in the next election, and are willing to give their support to whichever candidate p…
Oilers fan sick of media always talking about the Leafs has tweeted about the Leafs 6 times today
EDMONTON – Leonard Bagan, a die-hard Edmonton Oilers fan, says he is sick and tired of Canada’s sports media always covering the Toronto Maple Leafs, a team he has devoted his life to…
Labour shortage leads to downsizing at maternity ward
VANCOUVER – In an alarming turn of events, the maternity ward at St. Paul’s hospital has announced that it will likely be downsizing, apparently due to a severe labour shortage. However, th…
Ten best “Best of” lists: Our list
With the abundance of Best Of Year lists clogging up the internet every December, it’s hard to know which ones are worth your time. Luckily for you, the tireless team at The Beaverton has read al…
Candling session loosens man’s ear wax and extracts three-masted model ship
SAULT STE MARIE — Local high school teacher Matt Giordano received quite the surprise on Tuesday when an ear candling session not only removed a quantity of built-up wax from his ear canal, but e…