NEW YORK – Following the collapse of notorious online financial exchange site FTX, the future cellmate of finance mogul Sam Bankman-Fried was sentenced to 25 years stuck in a cell next to a…
Tag: cryptocurrency
NHL creates audience for its new NFTs by banning helmets
NEW YORK – In addition to unveiling its own line of official NFTs, the National Hockey League has announced plans to attract player investment by phasing out protective helmets. “We’re encouragi…
Danielle Smith apologises for not condensing her many apologies into a single efficient apology
EDMONTON – Premier Danielle Smith has held a press conference apologising for the inefficiency of her recent apologies. “I apologised for parroting pro-Putin talking points about Ukraine, and I k…
As bitcoin crashes, Poilievre vows to find new volatile fad to tie Canadian economy to
OTTAWA – In the wake of this week’s trillion dollar crypto-market meltdown, Conservative leadership candidate Pierre Poilievre has vowed to find an even riskier and more fraud-prone investm…
Attractive woman doesn’t understand why no one will tell her about Bitcoin
CALGARY – Local restaurant hostess and former beauty queen Sonia Norris is desperate for a man to tell her about Bitcoin, and can’t fathom why none of them will. “Nothing turns me on …
BREAKING: This man can explain why he invested in NFTs but not what an NFT is
TORONTO – Scientists in Toronto have made a startling discovery this week: local man Josh Clybourne is able to justify at length why he invested in NFTs, but seems physically incapable of d…
REBEL Night Club adds new COVID-19 safety measures, including ban on men yelling in girls’ ears trying to explain cryptocurrency
TORONTO – A popular night club has added a number of new COVID-19 safety measures to ensure patrons feel safe on their nights out, including a ban on men yelling while explaining their likely fla…
Adorable! This boy found a bird with a broken wing, nursed it back to health, and then explained to it what NFTs are
OWEN SOUND, ON – A heartwarming scene unfolded earlier this week when nine-year-old Billy Simmons rescued a chickadee that had fallen out of its nest and gave it a crash course on non-fungible to…
First Bitcoin ETF will combine simplicity of cryptocurrency with integrity of investment stocks
TORONTO – North America’s first Bitcoin exchange-traded fund opened this week on the Toronto Stock Exchange amidst skyrocketing cryptocurrency values. This new ETF spearheaded by Purpose In…
Nerd alert! This huge dweeb just made $400,000 selling bitcoin
CANADA – Get ready to steal some lunch money everyone, because we’ve got a big-time loser on our hands. Ottawa nerd Carl Draden just made over $400,000 selling bitcoin. Could you get any mo…