BRUSSELS – Members of the European Trade Commission gorged on fattened duck liver to to celebrate the WTO’s decision to uphold the ban on Canadian seal products. “We’re pleased to hear that the ...
Study: 68% of people conducting surveys over the phone are not wearing pants
MONTREAL, QC – A recent study of call centres has revealed that more than two-thirds of their employees are conducting surveys in a state of pantlessness. The study found that the survey-takers’ tone ...
I preferred Question Period on Twitter because the decorum was better and I got to do it naked
By Thomas Mulcair, Leader of the Opposition Now that the House is back in session I’ve come to a conclusion. I was sitting in QP (what we pros call Question Period), and realized that it was a lot mor...
University of Calgary: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: University of Calgary Nickname: Ol’ Rootin, Tootin’, and Pollutin’ Motto: “There will be blood.” History: University of Calgary was founded in 1966 as a direct response to the aggressively peace...
Rob Ford’s proposed Subway extension to bring 18-inch sandwiches to Scarborough
SCARBOROUGH – After years of uncertainty, the City of Toronto finally has enough dough for a Subway plan that will increase the size of the Footlong by six inches. The project, part of a broader initi...
University of Waterloo: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: University of Waterloo Nickname: Ol’ Lotta Geese Motto: 01100101 01101110 01100111 01101001 01101110 01100101 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 011...
Justice Minister Peter MacKay admits to not fully understanding Canadian ‘legal thingy’
New Glasgow, NS – Justice Minister Peter MacKay faced a “surprisingly difficult and uncomfortable” line of questioning concerning the Canadian legal system while visiting Mrs. MacDonald’s grade five c...
Dr. Abraxas’ University for Students Who Definitely Don’t Have Mutant Powers: University Reviews 2013
Name: Doctor Abraxas’ University for Students Who Definitely Don’t Have Mutant Powers Nickname: Ol’ Normal Motto: “It is just a coincidence that government agents develop headaches when they get too c...
Carleton University: University Reviews 2013
Name: Carleton University Nickname: Ol’ Cemented and Demented Motto: The “K” Stands for “Quality” History: Founded in 1942, it is said that Carleton was originally built to hide an enormous, subterra...
Thousand monkeys fill thousand typewriters with poop
MONTREAL – Sealed in the “Monkey Chamber” beneath Redpath library, the thousand monkeys tasked with creating the next great work of English literature have succeeded only in filling their thousa...
