New father looking forward to son living in his shadow
SASKATOON, SK – Beaming new father Jack LaSalle was delighted to announce the birth of his son to the world, and said he was “really looking forward to seeing him spend most, if not all, of…
Arizona woman’s uterus convicted of manslaughter after miscarriage
PHOENIX, ARIZONA – Under the state’s recently passed Women’s Health and Safety Act, an Arizona woman’s uterus was convicted of manslaughter yesterday after miscarrying 3 weeks i…
University student regrets buying actual moleskin journal
MONTREAL – Jason Durant, 21, originally of Oak Ridges, Ontario, was disappointed when the “moleskine” journal that he ordered online turned out to be a journal made out of an actual mole’s …
Local dad less enthused than hoped about ‘daddy’s girl’ back tattoo
OSHAWA, ON – Ashley Moffat, 22, rushed home Sunday morning to show her father the new message of love she had carved into her skin as a birthday gift to him, only to be disappointed by his …
Unemployed Knight mourns the collapse of Canada’s questing industry
SIOUX LOOKOUT, ON – Sir Armaunthat de Soulecoute, 34, of Sioux Lookout, Ontario, described the collapse of Canada’s questing industry as a ‘tragedy of the commons’ to a gathering of the pre…
TIFF UPDATE: Everyone agrees that one movie you didn’t see was the movie you HAD to see this year
TORONTO – After 2 weeks, dozens of screenings and thousands of hours of your life spent in dark, dirty movie theaters, critics and audiences have agreed that the movie of the festival was t…
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