TSN anchors suddenly really excited for upcoming curling season
TORONTO – Following the NHL’s surprising announcement that Rogers Communications, and its Sportsnet tv stations, would have exclusive rights to nationally broadcast hockey games for the nex…
Queen’s student wearing Queen’s jacket alerts fellow Queen’s students on Queen’s campus that he too studies at Queen’s
KINGSTON – A student has informed campus colleagues that he is a member of their university by wearing a jacket with his institution’s name emblazoned on the back. “I just wanted to reassur…
Canadian intelligence agency loses entire porn stash in fire at new HQ
OTTAWA – A fire at the Communications Security Establishment Canada (CSEC) new headquarters has destroyed the internet pornography database used by the intelligence agency charged with moni…
EU officials celebrate upholding Canadian seal product ban with foie gras meal
BRUSSELS – Members of the European Trade Commission gorged on fattened duck liver to to celebrate the WTO’s decision to uphold the ban on Canadian seal products. “We’re pleased to hear that…
Study: 68% of people conducting surveys over the phone are not wearing pants
MONTREAL, QC – A recent study of call centres has revealed that more than two-thirds of their employees are conducting surveys in a state of pantlessness. The study found that the survey-takers’ …
I preferred Question Period on Twitter because the decorum was better and I got to do it naked
By Thomas Mulcair, Leader of the Opposition Now that the House is back in session I’ve come to a conclusion. I was sitting in QP (what we pros call Question Period), and realized that it was a lo…
University of Calgary: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: University of Calgary Nickname: Ol’ Rootin, Tootin’, and Pollutin’ Motto: “There will be blood.” History: University of Calgary was founded in 1966 as a direct response to the aggressively …
Rob Ford’s proposed Subway extension to bring 18-inch sandwiches to Scarborough
SCARBOROUGH – After years of uncertainty, the City of Toronto finally has enough dough for a Subway plan that will increase the size of the Footlong by six inches. The project, part of a broader …
University of Waterloo: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: University of Waterloo Nickname: Ol’ Lotta Geese Motto: 01100101 01101110 01100111 01101001 01101110 01100101 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 0010000…
Justice Minister Peter MacKay admits to not fully understanding Canadian ‘legal thingy’
New Glasgow, NS – Justice Minister Peter MacKay faced a “surprisingly difficult and uncomfortable” line of questioning concerning the Canadian legal system while visiting Mrs. MacDonald’s grade f…
