Best experience of theatre student’s life gets two stars

VANCOUVER – Despite receiving universally lukewarm reviews, 19-year old theatre major Kristen Stolley has declared her 5-show run on UBC Follies Rent to be the best thing that has ever happ…

Retailers across Canada brace for Hanukkah rush

CANADA – As November nears its conclusion, stores both big and small across the nation have begun preparing for the massive Hanukkah crowds. “Oh yes, it’s far and away the busiest time of t…

Security screenings implemented to protect refugees from Canadians

OTTAWA – In light of the recent attacks against muslims in Canada, the federal government will now require all citizens to be thoroughly screened for racism and tendency toward hate crimes …

Oxford Dictionaries finally appealing to illiterate audiences

Oxford, UK — Oxford University Press, the publisher of the Oxford English Dictionaries, has announced it will be replacing all words with ideograms and smileys to make the massive, descript…

Domino’s Pizza introduces new ‘30 minutes or it’s probably not coming’ promotion

ANN ARBOR – In a move that has stunned the fast food industry, Domino’s Pizza has unveiled a new delivery policy for its customers: Your pizza delivered in 30 minutes or it’s probably not coming …

Syrian refugees relieved they won’t end up in Saskatchewan

BEIRUT — Syrian refugees expected to arrive in Canada were consoled by the fact that they are not welcome to live in Saskatchewan following Premier Brad Wall’s concerns that some of them ma…

ISIS sends “thank you” fruit basket to people who set fire to Peterborough mosque

PETERBOROUGH – ISIS has sent a fruit basket in gratitude to the people responsible for deliberately setting Peterborough’s Masjid Al-Salaam mosque on fire this weekend. “Honestly, we could not ha…

This incomprehensible tragedy perfectly confirms what I already believed

BY : DOUGLAS FRANK I see that something terrible has happened. I see also that most people are still frantically searching for their loved ones, donating their time and effort to rescue operation…

Northern driver prepares for winter, puts snow chains on sled dogs

IGLOOLIK – As the long, dark winter approaches, Nunavut resident Joe Palluq has started the lengthy process of attaching snow chains to his dog team. “When it was only -15°C back in July we…

Men’s Rights group demands safe space on campus to complain about women’s safe space on campus

MONTREAL – McGill University is under fire from MRActive, a group of Men’s Rights Activists that is demanding a safe space on campus to complain about the women’s safe space on campus. “We …