World Cup stadium labourer in Qatar wishes he could also resign
DOHA – Following the resignation of FIFA president Sepp Blatter, Bangladeshi migrant worker Sumon Saha announced that he would like to be able to do the same thing and leave his job buildin…
Red-haired woman bragging about how easily she sunburns for some reason
VANCOUVER — Attendees of a local barbecue report that a red-haired woman is talking animatedly about how easily she gets sunburned, for reasons that cannot be determined by anyone at the scene or…
Truth and Reconciliation: Stephen Harper sends apology email to First Nations
OTTAWA – After the publication of a Truth and Reconciliation commission report calling the Residential Schools a cultural genocide, Prime Minister Harper has sent an apologetic email to Can…
Nation just trying to keep Uncle Dave off the topic of Caitlyn Jenner
NATIONWIDE – With Caitlyn Jenner’s courageous gender transition making worldwide headlines, the nation is just desperately trying to keep Uncle Dave from sharing his opinions on the issue w…
Parizeau wins sovereignty from his corporeal form
MONTREAL – Former Quebec premier Jacques Parizeau, who nearly lead the province to sovereignty in 1995, won his lifelong battle for independence from his body this week. He was 84. In a sta…
York Regional Police claim black bear shot on lawn was reaching for officer’s firearm
Newmarket, ON — On Monday, an unarmed male black bear roaming through Newmarket backyards was shot dead after police claimed the bear made a distinct motion for a responding officer’s gun. …
Courtroom stenographer actually writing stenographer fan-fiction
OTTAWA – A recent analysis of transcripts has revealed that stenographer Maggie Peck has actually been working on a work of fiction about the sensual life of a courtroom stenographer. “I st…
Landlord definitely knew about single, giant bedbug before you signed
TORONTO – Despite his claims to the contrary, sources confirm there’s ‘literally no way’ your new landlord didn’t know about the four-foot bedbug living in the second bedroom. “I no know ab…
Subway busker plays YouTube video of better busker for spare change
MONTREAL — A busker operating outside of Beaudry station has taken to playing YouTube videos of better buskers for money. “I play all the hits,” said the busker, Seb Trudel-Gend…