Brazeau worried return to Senate would sully reputation
OTTAWA — Fresh from a court hearing in which he pled guilty to assault and possession of cocaine, Senator Patrick Brazeau was uncertain about whether it would be a smart move for his reputa…
Aunt Kathy to speak at homeschool graduation
FREDERICTON, NB – With the ceremony only days away, the Lisa Pentman Homeschool Academy has announced that its most distinguished and only alumna, Aunt Kathy, will be speaking at graduation…
White students union promises safe space to conquer, enslave nations
TORONTO – Postering the York, Ryerson and University of Toronto campuses, the group ‘Students for Western Civilization’ is calling for the creation of a safe space that would allow white st…
Tories polling strongly among nation’s that-one-friend-on-Facebook
OTTAWA – A poll conducted among the that-one-unbearable-person-on-Facebook demographic has shown that the Conservative party is polling above 95%. “Polls of people with any basic decency sh…
Woman telling everyone that she is ghosting from this party
TORONTO – Having determined that she is no longer ‘feeling this party’, local woman Tammy Smith has decided to ghost, but not before informing close friends, acquaintances, and …
Leaked documents show that the RCMP wiretapped 30,000 deer
OTTAWA – Coming on the heels of revelations about RCMP surveillance of native and environmental groups, new leaks have shown that the Royal Canadian Mountain Police issued warrantless wiret…
Ontario middle schooler can’t believe he has so much orgy and Satanism homework
TORONTO – After only one week of the new sex-ed curriculum, local 7th grader Jimmy Donaldson can’t believe he has to spend the entire weekend doing group sex and devil-worship assignm…
Stan Lee signs contract allowing corpse to appear in future Marvel films
HOLLYWOOD – Citing their popularity among fans, former Marvel president Stan Lee has vowed that his cameos in Marvel films will continue long after he dies. “Realistically, my living body w…
New polls definitively show NDP will win or lose
CANADA – Newly released polls are showing that the NDP have a very strong chance of winning the upcoming federal election, and simultaneously no chance at all. “The NDP have been poll…
