Tearful Stephen Harper boards spaceship for return to home planet
CALGARY – Following Stephen Harper’s emotional concession speech Monday night, hundreds of Conservative Party supporters claimed to have seen a massive blue object launching from Harp…
Nation groggily wakes up next to Justin Trudeau
CANADA – After a ‘wild night’, where emotions and alcohol ‘may have gotten a little out of hand’, the nation has woken up with a splitting headache, next to Justin Trudeau. “Ohh boy,” said …
Minister of Aboriginal Affairs has seat taken from him, finally learns something about being Aboriginal
MADAWASKA-RESTIGOUCHE, N.B. – After having his riding ripped from his hands, his livelihood destroyed, and his power stolen, Bernard Valcourt, the outgoing Minister of Aboriginal Affairs, h…
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
WINNIPEG – For the first time in his long life, habitual abstainer Jack Pilman will cast a ballot in a Canadian election, throwing his support behind the Social Credit party. “Normally I ju…
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
TORONTO – In a last minute gamble for GTA seats, the Conservative Party unveiled a new attack ad over the weekend suggesting Liberal leader Justin Trudeau wanted the Kansas City Royals to d…
Die hard Conservative changes vote after being called “Asshole” on Facebook
MEDICINE HAT, AB – Local welder and Tory supporter Greg Rashovich has abruptly decided to switch his vote to the NDP party after being called an “asshole” on Facebook via status updates, bl…
Anthropologists radiocarbon date current Conservative platform to 18th century
LONDON, ON — A group of scientists from the University of Western Ontario have successfully radiocarbon dated the Conservative Party’s platform ideas and policies to sometime around the 178…
Justin Trudeau yet to memorize lines for October production of ‘Oklahoma!’
MONTREAL – While performing well in the final week of the federal election campaign, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has yet to learn all of his lines for a community theatre production of p…
Series of squiggly lines on graph to determine swing voter’s choice
SURREY — A series of coloured squiggly lines presented on a neat graph will determine how many undecided voters will cast their ballot. Becky Lui, 27, is having a hard time determining whic…
Globe and Mail heroically defend country’s most vulnerable rich by endorsing Conservatives
TORONTO — In what is being called an act of steadfast principle to the nation’s vulnerable wealthy class, the Globe and Mail has endorsed the Conservative Party for the 2015 federal electio…