SOUTH CAROLINA – Joe Biden is now the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party and the “man to beat,” following a primary win in South Carolina that only took him a third of a century to ach...
BlogTO real excited about that new Starbucks
TORONTO — Toronto’s online source for local culture, restaurant reviews and the best of the city is reportedly real excited about the new Starbucks opening up in Commerce Court. “Wow, this is cool!” p...
Man screaming on roller coaster just listening to Goosebumps on audiobook
ANAHEIM, CA – After strapping in to ride the Incredicoaster at Disneyland with a group of fellow theme park thrill seekers, Toronto native Charles Hernandez’s screams were revealed to be caused ...
Doctors recommend that you cover your mouth when you cough you disgusting piece of shit
Hamilton, ON – After a decades long study, doctors at McMaster University’s Michael G. DeGroote School of Medicine have found that to prevent the spread of bacteria and viruses you should ...
Telus threatens to euthanize animals if CRTC approves mobile virtual network operators
OTTAWA – Saying that if they wanted cute commercials instead of carcasses, they should do as he says, Telus CEO and President Darren Entwistle recommended that the CRTC not mandate mobile virtua...
Suspending me again from the Senate is no way to treat an Indigenous person by Senator Lynn Beyak
I am saddened to learn that I have been suspended from the Senate again, and I think we all know why my colleagues threw me out: it’s because I recently revealed my First Nations heritage. I am Métis,...
Nation’s moms form vigilante gang to make sure you get that cough checked out
EDMONTON — Mothers from all across Canada have banded together to form an extra-legal armed posse with the sole aim of making sure you get a doctor to check out that nasty cough. Meeting at an u...
Men scramble to find a personality after CDC suggests shaving beard to stop coronavirus
ATLANTA, GA – A 2017 infographic issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention re-emerged this week with facial hair grooming tips in light of the coronavirus outbreak, leaving men ac...
China concerned Western authoritarian government will cover up coronavirus outbreaks
BEIJING – The Chinese government has expressed concerns that a North American government which lacks transparency and checks on its executive power will cover up the severity of the COVID-19 out...
Mike Pence introduces program to cure coronavirus carriers with conversion therapy
WASHINGTON D.C. – In his first hours leading the U.S. response to the COVID-19 pandemic, Mike Pence announced a bold program of conversion therapy to convince infected Americans they don’t have ...
