Sleepy man just going to lie down on this couch, and whatever happens, happens
GIMLI, MB – After suffering from intense fatigue all morning, local man Gerald Hines has elected to stop trying to control the future and lie down on his couch in the middle of the day. “Th…
79-year old with fake ID trying to keep it cool in vaccination line
Barrie, ON – Local septuagenarian Elise Reede is reportedly trying to avoid drawing attention to her forged ID that says she’s 80 years old while she waits to receive a COVID vaccination. “…
Seagull quits cigarette butts in favour of discarded Juul pods
VANCOUVER – Mirroring the popular shift from smoking to vaping amongst human smokers, a nicotine-addicted seagull has switched from eating cigarette butts to eating discarded Juul pods. “Th…
Hockey Night In Canada names Piers Morgan new host of Coach’s Corner
TORONTO – Hockey Night in Canada announced today that they were bringing back their long-running Coach’s Corner first-intermission segment with Ron MacLean and new ‘Coach’ Piers Morgan. “Pi…
Quiz: Was seeing Jean Chretien choke a guy your sexual awakening or are you normal?
While most young people experience sexual awakenings as a result of cute movie stars, attractive musicians, or even neighbourhood hotties, a population of Canadians were lucky enough to have Jean…
Oh No: This COVID hotel has themed rooms
Need yet another reason to postpone travel during this once-in-a-century global pandemic? This quarantine hotel has you covered – by mandating themed rooms for all international arrivals! T…
NASA warns alien life may not be fuckable
WASHINGTON – Following a recent uptick in UFO interest, NASA cautioned curious citizens against the notion that extraterrestrial life will be sexually desirable. NASA’s interstellar s…
BuzzFeed posts “Which Of The Journalists We Just Laid Off Are You?” quiz
NEW YORK CITY – BuzzFeed is encouraging readers to design their dream Disney date to help them determine which of the 70 journalists, producers, editors, and other workers they just laid off they…
Local man scrambles to find last-minute gift for one year COVID anniversary
CALGARY – A local man who has somehow miraculously forgotten that he’s been locked inside for a year is scrambling to put together a gift for his one year COVID anniversary. “I just don’t know ho…
Local introvert regrets making that wish on Monkey’s Paw last year
KITCHENER-WATERLOO – Herb White, a self-avowed introvert, expressed deep regret about the wish he made last year upon finding a monkey’s paw by the side of the road. “Since last year, a gl…
