MONTREAL – Despite your best efforts to remain positive, a report released this morning by McGill University has affirmed that it’s already way too late to get something going for Valentine…
World
Chinese government reports New Year’s fireworks display sounded spectacular through smog
BEIJING – Chinese government officials have reported that the country’s annual New Year’s fireworks display sounded spectacular for all those who could hear the display since it…
Vietnam veteran acquitted in assault of flashmob
NEW YORK – After maiming an entire flashmob two years ago, Vietnam veteran Lester Farley was acquitted of 36 cases of assault earlier this afternoon. “Personally, I’m satisfied with the ver…
Israeli Prime Minister Stephen Harper returns after long visit in Canada
TEL AVIV – After nine long years travelling in Canada to promote his country, Israel’s prime minister Stephen Harper is finally back in his homeland. “From what I have learned, Canada is a …
Japanese homeless glowing with gratitude for new jobs cleaning up Fukushima
Sendai, JAPAN – Japanese contractors in charge of cleaning up after the Fukushima nuclear disaster say that the strange glow being emitted by some of the homeless it hired is merely their i…
Earth starts new orbit around sun with clean slate, colossal hangover
A TINY SPECK IN THE MILKY WAY – Bouncing back from the previous night’s festivities, Planet Earth is excited to begin its new revolution just as soon as she recovers from a splitting headache. Th…
SA sign language interpreter believed he was at shadow puppet competition
JOHANNESBURG – The man who stands accused of faking sign language during the Nelson Mandela memorial service is claiming that he was actually there for the annual South African Shadow Puppe…
Man that survived three days in boat air-pocket can’t adjust to non-air-pocket life
LAGOS – Months after being rescued from an air-pocket in an Atlantic shipwreck, Nigerian cook Harrison Odjegba Okene has decided that he’s not cut out for life on the “outside” anymore. “Th…
Wikileaks Secret Santa ends prematurely when identity of Secret Santa is posted online
THE INTERNET – What started as an effort to boost the morale of the activists who make up Wikileaks turned into a disaster Thursday when the details of the website’s Secret Santa gift excha…
World Vision to throw in free poor child if you sponsor 5 or more goats
Monrovia, CA – One of the world’s largest christian aid programs is offering its donors the free gift of an impoverished child when you adopt 5 or more goats for his or her village. “We are…
