Boise, Idaho — The results of a new poll released Friday suggest that Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is creating a divide in the GOP between its traditional base of overt ra…
World
Iran and US agree to destroy world slowly via nuclear power instead
WASHINGTON – World powers and Iran struck a historic agreement Tuesday; Iran has agreed to curb its nuclear capabilities, putting the possibility of nuclear weapons out of reach, and drawing prai…
Visa offers Greece another credit card, increased spending limit
ATHENS – After opening his mail early this morning, Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras was surprised to discover he and 11 million other citizens were approved for another credit card and …
Nation waits for more Bill Cosbys to come forward before believing Bill Cosby rape accusations
HOLLYWOOD – Following the release of documents revealing that Bill Cosby himself admitted to obtaining prescription Quaaludes to have sex with women, a skeptical nation has resolved to give…
Greece fakes own death to get out of paying debt
GREECE – The IMF has been forced to swallow huge amounts of debt after it was discovered that all of Greece had mysteriously been killed by tragic falls, wine cask explosions, capsized boat…
US makes peace with gay community to focus on war with black community
WASHINGTON – After a decades-long war, the United States has signed an armistice with the gay community, in order to better carry out its campaign against black Americans. “Fighting on two …
God orders recall of several million white men
HEAVEN – Citing easily damaged feelings, an ego that improperly inflates, and a tendency to dangerously explode for no reason, the All-Supreme Being has ordered a massive recall of white me…
Struggling Illuminati closes 89 hidden sanctums around world
UNDER THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT, WASHINGTON, D.C. – After years of slumping influence over world affairs, the secretive power elite known as the Illuminati has closed dozens of mystery chambers, ro…
ISIS militants unwind by destroying charming little brunch place
SYRIA – After nearly three weeks straight of destroying artwork, murdering innocent civilians, and unlawfully annexing territory, ISIS soldiers Dafiq al-Adnani and Labid al-Tikriti relaxed …
Ireland votes to legalize open bar gay weddings
IRELAND – After a long fight over equality, Ireland has voted to legalize marriages between any same-sex couples that are willing to pay the tab. “Weddings are a beautiful thing,” said Iris…
