OTTAWA – For the first time since Confederation, the top spot on the list of Canadian exports has shifted from the sweet syrup of the mighty maple tree to anti-vaccine, anti-government, pro…
World
As Russia prepares to invade Ukraine, West rapidly deploys stockpile of vague condemnations
BRUSSELS – In light of Russia’s aggressive military buildup near the Ukrainian border, Western nations have ordered their stockpiles of vague condemnations to be placed at the highest…
Putin unsure if he’s in mood for Cold War or World War
MOSCOW – As a mustered force of 100,000 Russian soldiers stands by at the Ukrainian border, Russian President Vladimir Putin was reportedly spotted at his Novo-Ogaryevo residence debating t…
US Soldier forgot his keys in Afghanistan, will grab them next time he’s there
MONTGOMERY, AL- After returning home from his last tour of Afghanistan, United States Armed Forces Staff Sergeant Daniel Leary has discovered that he lost his keys overseas, but fully plans to re…
Brisbane announced as next city to be blighted with unholy curse of the Olympics
BRISBANE – Announced for the year 2032, Brisbane, Australia has been selected to become the next unfortunate city to be blighted with the unholy curse that is hosting the Olympic Games. Des…
Opinion: Why pulling forces out of Afghanistan is good when the politician I like does it and bad when anyone else does it
As Afghanistan’s capital has rapidly been overtaken by members of the Taliban, I can’t help but think the decision to withdraw all U.S. forces out of such a volatile country is good when the poli…
World leaders pause climate change talks out of respect for the burning Amazon
WORLDWIDE – World leaders are calling for a pause on climate change talks this week, out of respect for the Amazon rainforest which is now almost constantly on fire. “We were almost ready t…
Pope Francis prays for someone to take responsibility for Catholic residential schools
THE HOLY SEE – The leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis I, made a special prayer to victims of Canada’s residential schools during his monthly intentions. “We are asking the Almighty…
“Why did Meghan murder Prince Philip?” ask British tabloids
LONDON – In the wake of The Duke of Edinburgh’s untimely death at the far too young age of 99, British tabloids are wondering how and why his granddaughter-in-law Meghan Markle murdered him…
Queen’s cousin dies
WINDSOR, UK – Representatives of the British Monarchy have confirmed the sad news that the long-ailing cousin of the Queen, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, has died. Prince Philip’s familial re…
