OTTAWA – The Progressive Conservative party has dropped Pierre Poilievre as its leader in favour of an even older, whiter man – Andrew Scheer. “It’s an honour to be replaced by someon…
Politics
24 Sussex officially becomes Brookfield Property
OTTAWA – Brookfield Property Partners (TSX: BPYPP) a real estate company of Brookfield Asset Management Inc., proudly announced today their new acquisition of marquee Ottawa heritage proper…
Canada upsets Puerto Rico and Washington DC by cutting statehood line
Washington DC – After months of Trump pontificating that Canada would make a great state, the US Department of the Interior has updated its “Statehood Waitlist.” Canada now has the top spot…
Jagmeet Singh looking forward to chill summer, maybe taking an improv class
BURNABY, B.C. – Facing increased scrutiny since leading his party to a painful election day loss, former NDP leader Jagmeet Singh has revealed his future plans to be, “A whole lotta not much.” Sp…
Poilievre to run for by-election in safe rural Alberta riding, after rural Texas riding not available
OTTAWA – Opposition leader Pierre Poilievre has announced that he will run in a by-election in the conservative stronghold of Battle River-Crowfoot, after being told that he could not run i…
Poilievre vows to stay on as party leader for reasons of being otherwise unemployable
CARLETON, ON – Despite losing his own riding by several thousand votes, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has vowed to stay on as party leader due to having absolutely no employment trac…
Trump forgets instructions to not mention Canada again until future governor Poilievre has won election
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Earlier this week, U.S. President Donald Trump was unable to remember the explicit instructions he was given to stop talking about Canada in order to help the man he’s ta…
Panicking Poilievre purportedly planning political pivot pending poll performance
PETERBOROUGH – Present polls panicking Pierre Poilievre, proving poor political performance, privy pals pronounced. “Pah! Pesky plebs!” pouted Poilievre. “Perhaps people picture Pierre Poil…
We tried to write a debate analysis, but Jagmeet Singh kept interrupting us
MONTREAL – Despite efforts to reflect on the federal leaders debate for the 2025 election, any analysis was cut short due to repeated interruptions from NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh. The debate…
Federal election postponed until all Canadian teams eliminated from playoffs
OTTAWA – After rescheduling tonight’s French language leaders debate to accommodate a Montreal Canadiens playoff game, Elections Canada has announced that the entire federal election …
