TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced his government will be carefully re-opening the province to COVID-19 outbreaks. With over 200 new cases reported yesterday, the premier s…
Ontario
Every living premier in Ontario blames long-term care facilities problems on their predecessor
TORONTO – In the wake of the Canadian Military’s truly disturbing report about conditions in Ontario’s long-term care facilities, every Premier and former Premier has found and blamed…
Ford Government promises to discuss visiting family members once guidelines established for butlers, sommeliers
QUEEN’S PARK — Today Premier Ford announced his government will begin developing guidelines for when Ontarians can visit their families again, just as soon as they finish establishing rules…
Restrictions remain in place for Ontarians who can’t afford cottages
ORILLIA – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that COVID-19 restrictions will still remain in place during the Victoria Day Weekend for those unable to afford cottages. “For those of yo…
Toronto vows to continue gentrification with or without the help of Sidewalk Labs
TORONTO – Citing economic uncertainty, Google affiliate company Sidewalk Labs announced that it is abandoning plans to build a high-tech neighbourhood on the city’s waterfront. However, the…
Doug Ford rattles bars on cell as imposter continues to competently manage COVID-19 pandemic
TORONTO – An increasingly enraged Premier Doug Ford has taken to shaking the bars on his cage as he is forced to watch an imposter competently manage Ontario’s COVID-19 pandemic respo…
New Ontario license plates passed rigorous testing by drug dealers in unlit parking lot
TORONTO – The Ontario Minister of Government Services Lisa Thompson responded to critics of the new unreadable Ontario license plate by saying that they were rigorously tested at the Queens…
Doug Ford has 95% approval rating among kids who hate school
HAMILTON – Premier Doug Ford and his Ontario PCs are decisively ahead among children who hate their schools, principals, and teachers. According to an Ipsos poll, 95% of Ontario elementary …
Ontario’s education minister hopes fake anti-teacher coalition named after his riding won’t attract suspicion
VAUGHAN, ON – Education Minister and MPP for Vaughan Stephen Lecce is confident a fictitious anti-teachers union group called Vaughan Working Families whose ads appeared in major national n…
Poll-leading Ontario Liberals delay selecting leader until after 2022 provincial election
TORONTO – The Liberal Party of Ontario has announced that it will hold off selecting a leader until the 2022 provincial election is over. The pocket-sized party whose entire caucus can fit …
