TORONTO — A landmark study conducted by researchers at the University of Toronto has revealed that your parents’ most cherished activity is telling you about horrifying health scares months after…
Lifestyle
Which dating app should you go crawling back to during Omicron?
Remember how last year, you were so sure you were done with the toxicity of online dating and said you would put an honest to God effort into meeting someone in person this year instead of just t…
45-year old man wondering when he’ll feel like the grown-up in the room
WINNIPEG – 45-year old Jason Kingsley sits in his home wondering when he’ll feel like the grown-up in the room. Kingsley admits that he can vote, buy beer, and rent a car but that’s only b…
Close friend Instagram story wasted on a sunset
TORONTO – Sally Hutton was disappointed today when her crush Diego Michaels posted a picture of a sunset to his close friends Instagram story, a feature where Instagram users can share upda…
Inspirational Quote a day Calendar way too bossy
LETHBRIDGE, AB – The Inspirational Quote-A-Day calendar adorning the desk of Sharon Wilson is way too bossy. What started out as a fun way to start the day is now a demanding drill sergeant…
Five tips for growing tulips powerful enough to destroy Dutch economy
It seems with the tough year we’ve all been having, everyone’s been getting the green thumb. Plants and flowers galore! So we’ve compiled the five most crucial tips for growing tulips! In fact, w…
Coolest cousin ages into cautionary tale
WINNIPEG – This week 15 year old Adam Black was sad to realize that his favourite cousin James “DirtBag” Carl had aged from an ultra-cool-free-spirit hipster to an objectively sad and cauti…
Canadian government releases PSA reintroducing the concept of time
Ottawa, ON – Following over a year of pandemic induced lockdown, a government PSA seeks to help Canadians rethink their relations to the fourth dimension. “The first step is to re…
Fully vaccinated grandparents descend on nation’s strip clubs
OTTAWA – As elderly Canadians receive their second COVID vaccine before younger citizens, hordes of thirsty seniors are flooding into the nation’s strip clubs. “I spent quarantine worrying I’d ha…
Natural deodorant deemed a waste of nature
TOFINO, BC – After trying multiple brands and formulations of natural deodorant, it’s been decided that natural deodorant is absolutely a waste of nature. Our planet deserves better than to…