TORONTO – With the approaching legalization of cannabis, local beer snob Timothy Davis is excited to develop a condescending attitude about marijuana. “Much like Belgian beers, I think that…
Lifestyle
High school graduate taking year off to throw up in exotic locations
TORONTO – Local 12th grade student Lindsay Fleming is planning on taking a year off between high school and university so she can travel around the world, find herself, and puke up booze in…
Man wondering if date special enough to shave shoulders
SAULT STE. MARIE, ON – Looking at his back in the mirror, a local man is pondering whether or not the date he is about to go on is special enough to merit shaving his shoulders. “I like She…
Woman at gym can’t find a non-weird place to do glute bridges.
KINGSTON, ON – Local fitness enthusiast Rebecca Lee is currently on her third lap around the gym, hoping against hope she’ll find a place to do glute bridges without an audience. “I’m not s…
Local couple excited to invest time and money into pathetic garden
MONTREAL – As the seasons turn from frosty to fresh, Karen Monahan and Peter Hogeu are preparing to yet again begin work on their pitiful excuse for a garden. “I love getting my hands dirty…
Inspiring! Woman cuts wedding guest list in half by throwing her relatives off of a bridge
Boy, planning your own wedding sure is tough! There’s so much to consider: venues, decorations, flowers, rings, accommodations, everyone else’s feelings but your own, o’er dR…
REPORT: Bowling harder than you remember
EDMONTON, AB – According to a recent report, the activity of bowling is much harder than you remember it being, especially considering that the last time you played, you were practically a …
Judge rules drunken proclamations of love are legally binding marriages
HALIFAX, NS – A Halifax judge has ruled that drunken proclamations of love constitute legal marriages. “Clearly, a drunk can consent to marriage,” reads the decision in the case of a young …
Frantic cleaning of apartment before arrival of guests only quality time couple spends together
GUELPH – Early today Gary and Marsha Suffolk were struck with the realization that the only time they truly spend together any more is during the panicked apartment cleanup they perform about an …
Entire family unsure who actually wanted to go on cruise
INTERNATIONAL WATERS – Speaking from the middle of a 7 day Caribbean cruise, members of the Webster family are at an absolute loss to explain who thought going on a cruise would be any fun …
