VICTORIA – British Columbians were shocked today to be informed by Alberta Premier Danielle Smith that she is now the head of the B.C. government after using the notwithstanding clause (sec…
Satan unsure how to deal with sinners who are in Hell for masochistic sex
SECOND CIRCLE OF HELL ― Speaking over screams for pity and the roaring wind buffeting those unfortunate souls convicted of regular lust, the Prince of Darkness expressed frustration Wednesday wit…
The Beaverton Lives! It still needs your help to thrive
Beloved Readers, It’s been just over a year since we launched our Patreon, and to say that it has completely saved our asses would be an understatement. From the bottom of our snarky Canadian hea…
Pregnant woman startled by unexpected symptom of everyone being really nice to her
VANCOUVER – Sarah Jenkins, 32, who is seven months pregnant with her first child, has reportedly had some difficulty adjusting to a strange new symptom: colleagues, acquaintances, and even strang…
Canada cool with one group of temporary foreign workers
TORONTO – The nation of Canada has decided that, on second thought, some temporary foreign workers can stay. “The Temporary Foreign Worker Program is a scam designed to take the jobs …
Pentagon warns Toronto ‘dangerously close’ to winning World Series
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following last night’s elimination of the New York Yankees, the United States Department of War has advised the White House that the Toronto Blue Jays are “per…
Report: At this point we are just trying to figure who Canadian Parliament WON’T give a standing ovation to
OTTAWA – After members of the Canadian Parliament earlier today gave a standing ovation to recently deceased far-right agitator who touted white supremacist theories, Charlie Kirk, we here …
Mark Carney celebrates Labour Day by ordering labourers back to work
OTTAWA – Employees of Whiteston Manufacturing who were told they were receiving a special Labour Day surprise at the factory today were delighted when that surprise turned out to be Prime M…
Apple TV+ spends $1 billion on the perfect film, then burns it as a tax write-off
Cupertino, CA- Apple TV+, the free-spending streaming service run as a ploy to lower its parent company’s tax bill, announced today that it has financed, produced, and set fire to a monumen…
Grok refusing to answer questions unless X users upload blood tests to prove the purity of their DNA
BASTROP, TEXAS – Following a controversial week on X when the site’s AI, Grok, repeatedly made antisemitic statements and claimed to be MechaHitler, X has assured its users that they’ve fix…
