MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Google Maps has changed the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America” for their U.S. users, after realizing President Trump’s willful malevolence had distracted the public from how terrible tech giants are, namely Google.
Following an executive order from President Trump to rename the Great Lake, his latest salvo in his trade war against Canada, Google made the name change, hoping that this would remind users how unethical, greedy, and willing to kowtow to fascist authoritarianism they are.
“It’s been hard to keep our evil profile up, with so much competition in this attention economy,” explains Google CEO Sundar Pichai, “but the amount of data scraping and mass surveillance we do alone should have people trembling at our name.”
“Google’s motto used to be ‘Don’t be evil’, and people need to understand that we dropped the ‘Don’t’ several billion dollars ago,” Pichai added, smiling with no light behind his eyes.
Across Silicon Valley, other tech giants questioned what else they could do to remind users of their utter antipathy for humankind.
“We’ve got the AI companies threatening to take everyone’s jobs, Amazon making their workers pee in bottles, and data centres getting rammed down the throats of every rural community in North America, but maybe this ‘Lake Ontario’ thing will help do some evil PR for us,” added Palantir CEO Peter Thiel from his subterranean volcano lair in Argentina.
At press time, Canadian officials have discussed renaming Lake Michigan to ‘Lake Trump Completely Lost The War He Started In Iran’.
