LONDON – With King Charles Coronation taking up nearly the entire weekend, many are asking, “if the UK is considered a powerful country, why do they need three whole days to put this hat on…
Woman celebrates 3 hours of socialisation by not leaving apartment for 32 days
GATINEAU, QC – Matilda Hammond, a work-from-home closed-caption writer, caught up with some university pals at a bar for three hours last month, and then rewarded herself by spending the ne…
“Spring in Canada is so beautiful” says woman about to experience months of grimy dirt snow on the side of roads
BURLINGTON, ON – Penny Collier, 31, recently claimed to some international friends that “springtime in Canada is so beautiful”, clearly not remembering the endless months follow…
Lesbian couple grocery shopping not aware their existence is a political statement
KITCHENER, ON – Local lesbian couple Maggie Chaney and Marianne Mathams recently created a sociopolitical stir in a No Frills by engaging in the bold act of being homosexuals out in the wor…
Crying character in movie can’t find perfect wall to slide down
FAKE NEW YORK – Emma Sanford, a character in the recent Netflix romcom Here And/Or There who recently experienced an upsetting breakup, has reported being unable to find the perfect wall to…
Canadians already giving up on 2023, begin planning for 2024 instead
OTTAWA – A recent York University survey indicates that a majority of Canadians have already given up on planning and hoping within the year 2023, and have shifted any optimism forward to t…
Witch? This woman built a gingerbread house
RED DEER, AB – Daniella Keller, a 29 year-old librarian, built a gingerbread house over the weekend, prompting many to ask the question: is this woman a witch? “She seemed so normal, why wo…
Freak! This guy actually enjoys fruitcakes
EDMONTON, AB – Local weirdo, Felix Bonner, 36, recently told his co-workers that despite its horrible vomit-like taste, he actually enjoys fruitcakes. “It’s just a nice blend of sweetness a…
It happened to me: Be Real and my grandma’s life alert went off at the same time
By Cheri O’Toole Earlier this year, we got my aging grandmother a medical alert device to give us peace of mind and to give her shut of mouth, but another time sensitive program was rising in pop…
JK Rowling releases new book where Umbridge is the hero
EDINBURGH, UK – Author JK Rowling has released a new book featuring a retelling of the Harry Potter story, but from the point of view of one of her most hated characters, Professor Dolores …