OTTAWA – Speaking to a conference of finance industry power brokers, Finance Minister Bill Morneau announced that, after years of coordinated government planning and effort, Canadian wealth…
The new Ghostbusters movie DID destroy my childhood, but it may have been an unrelated hex
By Matt Rolfe The new Ghostbusters movie that NO ONE asked for from Paul Feig and his crew of feminista SJWs has arrived, and my childhood has been absolutely ruined! Not only did I predictably h…
Trudeau demands China improve human rights before trading, ‘unless they want to buy some tanks’
VANCOUVER – This week Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said China will need to improve its record on human rights before Canada will sign a Free Trade Agreement with them, before emphasizing t…
Filibuster on mass shooting interrupted by new, different mass shooting
WASHINGTON D.C. – Inspired by the recent mass shooting in an Orlando gay nightclub, Senate Democrats, led by Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn.), launched a filibuster to demand new gun control law…
Brazil assures world that country will be only be partly on fire by Olympics
BRASILIA – Amidst a presidential impeachment, numerous public health crises, incomplete infrastructure, and a wildfire that rages throughout the country, Brazilian officials assured the wor…
NRA unveils new semi-automatic rifle that shoots thoughts and prayers
FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA – Responding to the latest mass shooting that has rocked the United States, the National Rifle Association today unveiled a new AR-15 assault rifle whose ammunition will b…
Ticketmaster: “Tragically Hip fans being gouged by scalpers is what Gord would have wanted”
TORONTO – Responding to news that tickets to the Tragically Hip’s farewell tour had sold out within seconds, largely to scalpers, Ticketmaster President Jared Smith assured disappointed fan…
Trump receives concession call from someone named “John Kasich”
WASHINGTON – Presumptive republican presidential nominee Donald Trump was interrupted during a foreign policy briefing by a concession phone call from an individual named “John Kasich”, who…
Carly Fiorina instantly drives Cruz campaign into bankruptcy
WASHINGTON, DC — Republican primary candidate Ted Cruz announced yesterday that he will name fired Hewlett Packard C.E.O. Carly Fiorina as his running mate, moments before she drove his cam…
Attawapiskat First Nation receives urgent airdrop of committee reports
ATTAWAPISKAT – Following the declaration of a state of emergency over recent suicide attempts in the remote First Nation settlement, the Canadian government has wasted no time airlifting in…
