TORONTO – The Metropolitan Feline Police Force is warning cats that, despite their best investigative efforts, the suspect known only as “the glowing red dot” has yet to be captured. “The g…
Trudeau already regretting allowing hotel-less Trump to crash in his room
HAMBURG, GERMANY – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is reportedly “kicking himself” for offering to share his G20 hotel room with Donald Trump, after the American President’s staff fo…
Shadowy cabal agrees to buy bigger conference table
ZURICH – The clandestine organization of billionaire power brokers responsible for controlling the world’s destiny has reportedly decided to purchase a larger conference table. “The vote is…
Local dog spends weekend on couch binge-licking
KAMLOOPS – This past weekend saw Barkley, a Chocolate Labrador, spend nearly all of his waking hours on the couch, seemingly unable to stop cleaning his genitals with his tongue. The binge …
Experts split as to whether NDP Leadership race currently underway
OTTAWA — This week researchers at the University of Ottawa admitted that, despite their best efforts, they were unable to conclusively determine whether an NDP Leadership race was currently…
Come From Away celebrates award win by screeching-in Tony audience
NEW YORK — The cast and crew of the renowned Canadian musical, Come From Away, celebrated their Tony Award win for ‘Best Musical Director’ by officially screeching in every audience member …
Women-only screenings of Wonder Woman countered by men-only screenings of sad porn
AUSTIN, TX — In response to several women-only screenings of the film Wonder Woman, numerous DC Comics fans are striking back with male-only screenings of online pornography. “For too long …
Jonathan Kay excited to bring his provocative opinion writing to Baskin Robbins
TORONTO – Following his resignation as editor-in-chief of The Walrus over controversial statements on cultural appropriation, Jonathan Kay is reportedly enthusiastic to bring his incendiary…
Toronto couple relieved to find affordable home in Winnipeg
WINNIPEG – After years of looking for a home Toronto-based young professionals Marcus and Ashley Warren are delighted to have finally found one in their price range, located in Winnipeg, Manitoba…
Top 5 Handmaid’s Tale scenes to pretend you’ve watched because the show looks too intense
Everyone is talking about the new Hulu television adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, and you would be too if it didn’t look harsh as fuck. Not to worry – here are 5 jaw-dr…
