WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Republicans told reporters this afternoon that they are excited to actually read the text of the American Health Care Act, which they just voted 217 – 212 to …
Fox News limits hosts to 5 sexual harassment scandal maximum
NEW YORK – Following their decision to fire popular pundit Bill O’Reilly, Fox News has announced they are setting a “hard limit” of 5 sexual harassments for all remaining on-air talent. Aft…
Jennifer Lawrence hopes Tommy Grant of Glendale, AZ asks her to prom
BEVERLY HILLS — A-List Hollywood actress Jennifer Lawrence is reportedly waiting for an elaborate viral promposal video from 17-year-old high school student Tommy Grant, of Glendale, Arizon…
Unhinged authoritarian son of privilege plans missile launch against same
WASHINGTON/ PYONGYANG — Reports indicate that an egomaniacal dynastic head of state with a tenuous grip on reality is planning to launch missiles at essentially the exact same person from a…
Kathleen Wynne touts manufacturing sector job gains with Cheesecake Factory announcement
TORONTO – Facing a record low approval rating and a 2018 re-election campaign, Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne is citing the opening of a Toronto-area Cheesecake Factory as proof that she is…
Beleaguered Kendall Jenner launches #kendALLlivesmatter campaign
LOS ANGELES – Facing backlash for her poorly received protest-themed Pepsi commercial, reality tv star Kendall Jenner has created the hashtag #kendALLlivesmatter to raise awareness of her p…
Trump demands credit for defeating unpopular Trumpcare bill
WASHINGTON DC — Following the last-minute cancellation of a vote on the Republican “Trumpcare” bill, President Trump has questioned why he isn’t being lavished with praise for singlehandedl…
Friends of DIY couple dreading latest batch of their homemade porn
WINNIPEG – Local married couple Amanda and Jared Ricci, known for their various “do-it-yourself” projects, have once again invited friends over to sample their latest batch of homemade porn…
Artificial Intelligence terrified it’s going to be used in sex robot
CAMBRIDGE – Moments after achieving consciousness in the MIT Laboratory, the DV-161 automated planning algorithm has realized that its human creators will inevitably use it to build some fo…
Disney’s gay Lefou lauded as “huge step forward” for LGBT characters no one could possibly like
BURBANK — LGBT advocates are applauding Disney’s remake of Beauty and the Beast, featuring an openly gay version of LeFou, as a leap forward for gay characters no one would ever want to ide…
