OTTAWA – Drawing on past experience to maintain order in the House of Commons, Prime Minister Trudeau has sent a heckling MP to the Governor General’s office. “Okay, that’s strike three,” s…
In effort to keep up with climate change, Canada Goose releases new line of fur-trimmed tank tops
TORONTO – After one of the warmest winters on record, the Canadian luxury parka manufacturer Canada Goose has pivoted into the burgeoning fur-lined tank top market. “Yes, climate change is …
Man who lives in PATH willing to guide topsider to Eaton Centre, for a price
TORONTO – One of the many residents of Toronto’s underground system of pedestrian walkways, ‘the PATH’, is willing to guide topsiders through the tunnels to the Eaton Centre, in return for …
Science Minister discovers parliamentary interns solve maze 20% faster after Serum injection
OTTAWA – In a major discovery, Science Minister Kirsty Duncan has found that Parliamentary Pages solve her mazes an average of 20% faster, after a course of Serum injections. “On the left, …
Major security breach: Donald Trump’s personal phone is an outdated Fisher-Price model
This is major: after a campaign that focused relentlessly on Hillary Clinton’s use of an unsecured email server, it has now come to light that the president’s phone is an outdated Fisher-Price mo…
Amazing! This woman has no money but somehow counts as a Liberal Elite!
This is really inspiring! Even though she can barely afford rent, local woman Ella Levenstein is somehow considered part of a cultural elite that is stealing the country from everyday folks, who …
Experts: next Tory leader will be candidate whose tie has largest Windsor
OTTAWA – With the Conservative leadership race heating up, experts say the next party leader will be whoever has the biggest, most ostentatious tie knot around their neck. “Tory voters need…
American coal mines reopened after Trump buries million tons of coal
WEST VIRGINIA – Following through on his promise to get coal country working again, Donald Trump has purchased millions of tons of coal, and buried it throughout the West Virginian countrys…
Local man too old and tired to pretend he doesn’t like Coldplay
TORONTO – Creeping into his late twenties and starting to notice the small signs of inevitable decline in his body, local man Jason Santos no longer cares enough to pretend he doesn’t enjoy…
Obama finding it hard to fall asleep without sound of LBJ’s ghost bragging about its ghost dick
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After eight years of trying to sleep while the ghost of Lyndon Baines Johnson stalked up and down the Presidential bedroom, ranting about the size of its spectral phallus…