VICTORIA – B.C. Conservative Party leader Kerry-Lynne Findlay has resigned in order to spend more time kicking members of her family out of the house.
“I have been honoured to be the second longest serving leader of the B.C. Conservatives,” said Findlay in reference to her nearly 5 month tenure. “But at this critical time for my loved ones, I feel my efforts are best served at home, using flimsy excuses to expel any members of my family who dare speak out against me.”
“As a mother of four soon to be three, my family must be my first priority.”
Findlay has already begun making moves. Sister-in-law Monica was quietly dropped from the family’s Thanksgiving Plans after she railed to endorse Findlay’s plans for a “all meat, no veggie” no dinner. Second cousin Craig will not be receiving a Christmas Card this year due to his reported support Indigenous Reconciliation. And niece Nicole, 6, advised reporters that Findlay stormed out of her dance recital.
Not all the excommunicated family members were forced out by Findlay. Brother Carl-Andy Findlay quit the family after being snubbed from his traditional role of QB 1 at the family touch football game in place of Kerry-Anne loyalist and husband, Brent Chapman.
“We’ve had to make some hard decisions,” said Kerry-Anne Findlay. “Looking back, would I have violently pushed my in-laws out of our family photo because they shook hands with David Eby at a community event? Maybe not. But these are the tough decisions Matriarchs face.”
At press time Findlay had been replaced as head of the Findlay family by Caroline Elliott.
Image: Andre Forget
