PETERBOROUGH, ON – Residents of Peterborough are ecstatic upon hearing the announcement that Canadian Indie darling, City and Colour has decided to change his name from Dallas Green to Peterborough Red.
“Well I think it’s just fantastic that there’s someone who wanted to name themselves after us!” said Peterborough councilwoman Nancy Hardstark. “Even if it is someone who’s music makes me sleepy and heartbroken at the same time.”
Dallas Green, who found success with his band Alexisonfire and solo act City and Colour, has struggled in the past few years due to a series of bad investments. Green’s axe throwing gym closed in 2015 due to the fact that they only played Alexisonfire’s hit “Accidents” even after a series of accidents occured. Meanwhile, his kickstarter for a CBD beard oil company called “Cannabeard” was taken down after he realised CBD oil isn’t just stale weed butter. His name change is an attempt to appeal to fans at home, specifically Peterborough, Ontario.
“They say people die twice, once when their body dies, and then when their name is said for the last time,” Green said. “Dallas Green, that name is dead. No one say it anymore. That’s the last time anyone will say Dallas Green… crap, no that was the last time.”
The newly dubbed Peterborough Red visited Peterborough last week and immediately left because it was, well, Peterborough.
