music Archives - The Beaverton

Mid-tier Japanese pop star surprised to learn she is “big in Canada”

TOKYO – 23-year-old J-pop artist Ito Koharu was recently surprised to learn that her debut album ハッピー・ミルク・キス・キス (HAPPY MILK KISS KISS) has debuted at #1 on Canadian charts, despite a lukewa…

Music festival fan regales friends about $700 show that sounds like worst experience possible

Osheaga, Quebec – Avid music festival goer Larry Rockton is in the middle of an epic story about an expensive music festival he went to recently that sounds like the worst experience a pers…

Grand piano just okay

WATERLOO, ON – A local allegedly grand piano has been revealed to just be fine. Owner Marsha Jameson made the discovery this past week after sitting down to play the instrument for her first time…

Complex, timeless masterpiece of classical music conjures up only images of cartoon rabbit in drag

CORNWALL, ON ― 39-year-old landscaper Talia Arsenault became painfully aware of her total lack of refinement recently, when a symphony that had weathered centuries of cultural change thanks to it…

a man sitting on a beach in jeans and a black coat, his back to the camera, looking out at the ocean with his feet in the surf and his hands on his head. There's a CD boombox beside him

Man stranded on desert island regrets bringing favourite album instead of flare gun

PACIFIC OCEAN – According to nautical sources, 36-year-old Damian Clarke regrets not bringing fundamental survival supplies to an abandoned island in favour of packing 3 Doors Down’s smash hit d…

Supposedly hip young person doesn’t even know who LCD Soundsystem is

HAMILTON, ON — Reports have confirmed that Miley Autlin, 24, a person previously believed by experts to be “cool”, “up on the scene” and even “really into the new stuff” literally didn’t even kno…

Tag: music