A startling discovery is sending shockwaves through the NHL after it was revealed that Mark Messier is a LEGO man.
A statement released last Wednesday by the NHL accuses Danish toy giant LEGO of creating the five time Stanley Cup winning Messier unit.
The NHL’s Internal Affairs department had been privately investigating the matter for almost two years when, last December, a breakthrough in the case was made involving the discovery of incriminating documents linking New York Rangers President Glen Sather to LEGO.
The documents clearly show Sather, who coached Messier during the Edmonton Oilers’ dynasty of the 1980s, hiring LEGO to create a hockey machine years prior to signing Messier.
One of the key pieces of evidence was a blueprint outlining plans to create the future Messier unit.
NHL Internal Affairs director Pat Quinn, who is also head coach, general manager and zamboni driver of the Toronto Maple Leafs, had this to say about the shocking news: “Well, sometimes you get a LEGO man in here, and the best thing to do is you want to try and get him out and hopefully stop this sort of thing around the league.”
Player reaction around the league is that of bewilderment, as many are trying to figure out why they didn’t notice anything unusual during Messier’s 23-year tenure in the NHL.
“This is a total shock,” teammate Eric Lindros said at a press conference yesterday.
“I never would have imagined something like this. I mean, he’s such a normal guy. A family man.”
Added Lindros, “Okay, enough, all this talk is giving me a concussion.”
However, Messier’s true identity did not go completely unnoticed.
Paul Coffey, now retired, who played with Messier in Edmonton, recalled a strange incident that occurred years ago: “One time in the dressing room I made a crack, something about an open net he’d missed or something. He was facing the other way and his head turned around 180 degrees. He just stood there staring at me for a while and then said something in Danish with this strange deep voice. I was terrified. Then a towel fight broke out and he went back to his old self. But from then on, I never saw him the same way.”
Fans and NHLers alike have long questioned why Messier hadn’t traded the helmet he has had since his rookie year for a newer model.
LEGO Senior Production Manager Hans Pagterbjerg explained that Messier needed the helmet to perform at optimal levels: “The helmet is the crucial piece. Without it he can’t perform, and he would basically be unable to do the skillful hockey.”
The NHL have expelled both the Messier unit and Glen Sather, and plan to take legal action against LEGO once they figure out exactly what it is they should sue for.
