Conservative Leadership Candidate Profile: Patrick Brown - The Beaverton

Conservative Leadership Candidate Profile: Patrick Brown

Background: Patrick Walter Brown is a career politician who has served as an MP, MPP, Mayor of Brampton, and unofficial bartender at numerous Barrie bars. He is known to be a moderate Conservative, meaning he occasionally acknowledges the environment exists and is, generally speaking, a good thing.

Most known for: You know. That thing. The one we can’t talk about that without Brown suing us. Just google it.

Campaign Slogan: Fighter. Leader. Winner. Settler of civil defamation suits. Violator of the Member’s Integrity Act (4 times). His staff tried to tell him it was a bit wordy.

Policies: -Expand the Conservative base to new demographics like anyone willing to vote for him as leader

-End the War on Christmas by starting a satellite war on Diwali

-Do more than the government to oppose Quebec’s discriminatory Bill 21. In other words: do anything.

-Ask what to do

Chance of winning: That depends. You wanna buy a membership?