TORONTO – The Ontario government has responded to the Auditor General of Ontario’s Special Report on Pandemic Readiness and Response in Long-Term Care by surrendering it to a long-term home until the inevitable happens.
“The report’s constant demands for improving care has become a burden on the Ontario family,” said Premier Doug Ford outside of a private care home after signing some paperwork. “It takes up too much of our time and way too much money. This was a hard decision, but the report will be better off here under the care of this for-profit care home that hasn’t seen a provincial inspector since 2017.”
According to the provincial government, the report constantly complained and whined about infection prevention and control measures were not consistently followed and insufficient staff to care for residents.
“Oh sure, the report said that the lack of preparation for a pandemic was a disaster waiting to happen, but I think that’s just the report’s dementia starting to kick in,” said one government official dismissing the damning revelations.
“But we promise we’ll visit the report every Christmas,” lied Ford.