GENEVA – The World Health Organization is asking pilots, air passengers and astronauts climbing sunward to join the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds to please refrain from touching the face of any deity they might find where never lark or even eagle flew.
“One of the best and easiest ways to prevent the transmission of infectious diseases is to wash your hands and avoid touching your own face and the faces of others,” WHO said in a press release about the importance of proper hygiene to prevent disease transmission. “When, after wheeling and soaring and swinging high in the sunlit silence, you touch the face of God, you are transferring germs both too and from him and putting the health of both parties at risk.”
Touching the face of God while dancing the skies on laughter-silvered wings has become such a common activity in the aviation world that many pilots are refusing to heed the new recommended guidelines while chasing the shouting wind up, up the long, delirious, burning blue.
“This is ridiculous. I’ve trod the high untrespassed sanctity of space, put out my hand, and touched the face of God tons of times before and never gotten sick,” said Henry Prescott, an aerialist who refuses to let the threat of disease transmission change his behaviour while flinging his eager craft through footless halls of air. “I’ll just load up on Purell first. It’ll be fine.”
In the same presser, WHO also warned rough beasts who believe their hour has come round at last to hold off on slouching towards Bethlehem to be born until the international medical community has found a way to stem the blood-dimmed tide and make the centre hold.