TORONTO – In a recent breakthrough, a team of scientists at the University of Toronto have posited the reality of a parallel universe where naps don’t make an individual feel like a disgusting piece of trash immediately upon waking up.
“It’s the only explanation that makes sense,” said Dr. Martin Tremblay, PhD in quantum mechanics and leader of the team assigned to the discovery. “If you look at the studies conducted in the last decade, there isn’t a single shred of evidence that suggests anyone in our universe has ever woken up from a nap feeling good about themselves. It’s a huge vacuum. Naturally, this led us to explore the possibility of a universe where refreshment post-siesta is viable. After all, parallel universes do exist. We’ve just stumbled onto the possibility of a particularly well-rested one.”
Tremblay’s team was confident in their assessment, with team member Jennifer Fielding listing their extensive use of human sleep experimentation.
“We have been running tests for the last year,” she explained, ushering a grumpy subject out the door after reminding him of what decade he woke up in. “We can state with only minimal doubt that somewhere out there exists a clone of you who can rest their eyes for a quick 30 and still know where and who they are. It’s remarkable. Our next goal is to try to contact their universe and ask them for tips.”
If true, this study has massive implications for the scientific community at large.
“If this is true for naps, what else is it true for?” wondered Steven Curry, a Master’s student in health science and nap enthusiast. “Maybe a universe where my clone enjoys going to the gym? Eating dense fibrous greens? Or even,” he added tentatively, “communicating openly and honestly with my girlfriend? The possibilities really are endless.”
At press time, the UofT team was already behind in publishing their findings after a 30 minute nap turned into a twelve hour one.
