TORONTO, ON – Citizens were overjoyed when earlier this week, the New York Times ranked Toronto as North America’s third-largest hub of tech douchebags, nouveau riche jerkoffs, and self-imp…
Tag: tech
Apple unveils single-use Macbook with zero ports
CUPERTINO — At today’s much anticipated Apple Event, Tim Cook stunned viewers by introducing their first-ever single-use Macbook, dubbed the Macbook Zero. During his Keynote address, Cook address…
Local cellphone loves lying about how much battery is left
KITIMAT, BC – A cellphone owned by local Elaine Jorgensen takes great delight in deceiving its owner in how much battery power remains by shutting off at the worst time possible, regardless…
Rogers hits customers with “entertainment tax” after wild week of corporate shenanigans
TORONTO — Yesterday Rogers hit customers with an Entertainment Tax after a wild week of very public corporate shenanigans drew comparisons to prestige dramas Succession and Game of Thrones.…
Scientists give up on artificial intelligence, begin work on artificial stupidity
Cambridge, Massachusetts ― A team of engineers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology unveiled the world’s first artificial stupidity prototype yesterday. They have dubbed their project the…
4-year old tab closed, never read
NORTH BAY, ON – On Sunday, William Herd finally closed a browser tab he had opened four years ago. The tab contained a long-read from ProPublica on what the world can expect from a Trump pr…
Nation’s Netflix subscription now costs a dollar more than previous rate of “I have no idea what I’m paying”
LOS GATOS, CA – Canadian Netflix subscribers are about to pay a dollar more per month than whatever they’ve been paying up to now, which, honestly, no one can remember. The streaming compan…
Tech company unveils universal charging cable that won’t fit any device
PALO ALTO — An exciting new product was revealed today that its creator claims will change the world by bringing people together “in global frustration.” “Finally we have …
New tech investment to put Waterloo at leading edge of being destroyed by malicious AI
WATERLOO – An exciting wave of tech industry investment is set to make Kitchener-Waterloo the Canadian hub of creating an uncontrollable line of code that goes on to wreak incalculable economic a…
Hi-tech baby toy selling data about your child’s favourite shapes to Cambridge Analytica
PALO ALTO – In only the latest privacy scandal to rock Silicon Valley, new leaks reveal that the LeapPad learning tablet has been selling information about your child’s favourite shapes to right …
