TORONTO – Local man Mark Huntings has expressed his firm belief that the CFL is a niche league that no one actually cares about, unlike the massively popular Major League Pickleball he rece…
Tag: Sports
Toronto Goodwill asking people to stop donating Leafs jerseys
TORONTO – The regional board of Goodwill Industries has taken to social media to ask residents of the GTA to please stop leaving Maple Leafs jerseys in their used clothing bins and donation…
Pitch clock resigns baseball players’ nutsacks to unscratched loneliness
Kansas City, MO – The arrival of the pitch clock and other measures to speed up the languid pace of professional baseball has created victims of baseball players’ scrotums, as the lack of customa…
Leafs pleased they could find a more creative way to devastate fans than just losing in first round again
Whatever city the Panthers play in, FL – Staring down a potential sweep to the Florida Panthers after turning in a truly horrendous effort in Game 3, The Toronto Maple Leafs say they are pl…
Leafs really excited to fuck this all up spectacularly
TORONTO – Still reeling off their astonishing come-from-behind win in Game Four against Tampa Bay, the Toronto Maple Leafs are showing renewed enthusiasm for the inevitable and complete collapse …
Leafs fan who was sure team would be swept after Game 1 now equally as confident they’re going to win the Cup
TORONTO – Bryce Feegan, a “die-hard” Leafs fan has proclaimed that the team is sure to win the Cup after their victory in Game 2 with the same amount of certainty as he declared…
Basketball Insider: Get me out, I’m stuck inside a basketball!
Scotiabank Arena, Toronto – It’s that exciting time of year when the NBA season really starts to heat up, but personally, I wish it wouldn’t, because I’m stuck inside one of the basketballs. Help…
Silver medalists only survivors of Transylvania Olympics
TIMIŞOARA – The 2022 Transylvania Olympics, which invites “hale and sanguineous” athletes from around the world to compete in Romania, has concluded with only the silver medalists appearing at th…
Hockey Canada insists it can change its culture without replacing leadership, changing culture
OTTAWA – As they continue to resist calls for institutional change, Hockey Canada officials are promising Canadians that they will be able to eliminate the rape culture currently pervasive …
Canadians to hold off celebrating 2022 World Junior gold for a few years just in case
EDMONTON – The Canadian national junior team has won gold at the 2022 World Juniors, prompting countless hockey fans across the country to not celebrate until they’re sure it’s appropriate. After…