St. Patrick’s Day is here again, and with it comes all the usual lame debauchery. Well, while everyone else is out chugging their beer and wearing their “Kiss Me I’m Irish” shirts, I will be doin…
Tag: Snakes
Doug Ford invokes notwithstanding clause to ram through legislation releasing all the snakes at the Zoo
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has invoked the notwithstanding clause, overriding a judicial ruling that said it was wrong to release thousands of snakes from the Toronto Zoo. “Folks, I was democrat…
Exasperated God going to keep making new kinds of spiders until we stop being so racist
EARTH – After long eras of systemic racial discrimination by humanity, God has clarified he will keep inventing new, terrible kinds of spider until we stop. “Okay guys,” said God after Dona…
God apologizes for snakes
HEAVEN – In an unprecedented public statement earlier this week, God, the Supreme Lord and Master of the Universe, Blessed be He, issued a heartfelt apology for the creation and proliferation of …
What’s a Tom Mulcair? 5 questions Canadians Googled most about the leader of the NDP
Poll results might have Thomas Mulcair smiling wide as the October election looms, but some Canadians still aren’t familiar with the leader of NDP. Search records obtained using Google’s an…
Man spends $3000 dollars on snakes in one day
HALIFAX – Local herpetophile James Carruthers spent upwards of $2900 on 2 juvenile Burmese pythons in the back room of Sammy’s pet store earlier this afternoon. “Snakes are the …