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Tag: Russia
Canadian Forces’ BattleMech procurement program $500 trillion over budget
OTTAWA – The auditor general has released a report finding that the cost of replacing the Canadian Forces’ aging Leopard tanks with 70 tonne, galactic Summoner OmniMechs has ballooned to $5…
Russia-Turkey missile-for-warplane trade deal goes horribly wrong
ANKARA — A military equipment trade deal between Russia and Turkey ended in tragedy after Turkey delivered several air-to-air missiles directly to a Russian warplane causing a sudden explos…
Stephen Harper extends Canada’s arctic territory by peeing on North Pole
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today that the United Nations has accepted his proposed extension to Canada’s arctic border after providing proof that he had urinated on th…
Putin vows to personally lead the cover-up of opponent’s murder
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin is vowing a complete and thorough cover-up into the assassination of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov using all of the Russian state security and po…
Edward Snowden sick of Vladimir Putin just wanting to hang out all the time
MOSCOW – According to sources, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is getting sick and tired of having to spend much of his day “chilling” with Russian President, Vladimir Putin. Snowden, who …
Forbes names Putin ‘World’s Most Powerful Fuckface’
NEW YORK – Thanks to a year of swaggering, unapologetic dickheaded-ness, Forbes magazine has named Vladimir Putin as the World’s Most Powerful Fuckface for the 2nd year in a row. “Whether o…
World’s nations ask if it’s too late to boycott Sochi Olympics
WASHINGTON – In response to increased Russian support of Ukrainian rebels, a coalition of world powers have announced that they will inquire whether it is too late to boycott the Sochi Winter Oly…
Baird threatens to send adrift Canadian warship in Russia’s general direction
KYIV – Foreign Minister John Baird has threatened to deploy the adrift warship HMCS Protecteur in the general direction of Russian waters if Russia does not pull its troops out of the Crime…
