OTTAWA – Zellers has announced that this year they will open 25 retail pop-up stores across Canada, now that consumers have “finally gotten tired of online shopping”. “We here at Zellers kn…
Tag: retail
Black Friday deal just last year’s price
MISSISSAUGA – Retailers are embracing this year’s Black Friday by offering consumers the deal of a lifetime, the chance to buy products at last year’s regular prices. Naomi Hoffman eagerly …
1,392 Shoppers Drug Mart locations tie for “worst”
BRAMPTON — The results of a customer satisfaction survey have revealed that all 1,392 Shoppers Drug Mart locations have tied for worst. This data vindicates millions of Canadians who have long-to…
Retailers guarantee to have worse version of what you want in stock for holidays
EDMONTON – Retailers across Canada want to assure Canadian consumers that despite global supply chain issues and shortages, they guarantee to have the worst version of what you want in stoc…
Thousands of losers wait in line for retail stores rather than have everything shipped to them by evil conglomerate
TORONTO – As retail stores opened in Ontario this weekend, thousands of losers, nobodies and morons chose to stand in line to buy items from retail stores instead of just ordering everythin…
“Spread cheer at Christmas!” tweets woman who just threw defective holiday candle at 16-year-old cashier
TORONTO – Yesterday afternoon, Sandra Johnson, a mother of three with an active social media presence, tweeted the heart-warming sentiment “Spread cheer at Christmas!” to her followers, just five…
Nation’s retail sales associates just want you to know “That’s a GREAT colour on you, hun!”
OTTAWA, ON – As summer quickly descends upon us, prompting the need for crop tops and breathable fabrics, the nation’s retail sales associates have banded together to make sure you know tha…
Quiz for new University graduates: which entry-level retail job is right for you?
Attention recent University grads! Now that you’ve studied for years and gone into thousands of dollars of debt it’s time to find a low-paying job for the next ten years until enough Boomer…
The Brick celebrates first day in 25 years without sales event
EDMONTON, AB – Breaking a decades long sales event streak, The Brick has made today the first day in over 25 years in which their stores aren’t trying to entice customers with some sort of …
CRA to impose 40% tax on short, fleeting moments when retail workers feel alive
OTTAWA – In a document posted on its website Canada Revenue Agency has announced that, moving forward, all of the country’s retail workers will be required to give the government 40% of the…