TORONTO — Account manager Andrea Gill was quietly dispatched on Tuesday after spending the weekend festooning her workplace with Christmas decorations. “She’d been starting earlier every year,” s…
Tag: murder
OJ Simpson dies surrounded by family members he didn’t murder
LOS ANGELES – Former American football star turned actor turned guy who was found liable for killings but not convicted criminally OJ Simpson has succumbed to a battle with cancer, surround…
India issues advisory warning travellers against assassinating people in Canada
NEW DELHI – India has warned its citizens to exercise the “utmost caution” when attempting to covertly assassinate people in Canada. In a statement issued on its website, India’s Ministry o…
Couple struggling to find perfect amount of life insurance that will secure future but not encourage murder
VANCOUVER – A local couple are having a hard time finding the right amount of life insurance coverage that would protect their future but not inspire them to murder one another. Michael and…
Serial Killer hoping to continue working remotely at least part time
HILLSIDE FALLS – Local serial killer, Stanley “The Hillside Reaper” Chisolm, has reported experiencing mixed emotions regarding the reopening of workplaces, hoping to maintain work-from-home for …
Man who owns rug sick of friends always asking for help moving bodies
CALGARY – Local accountant David Summerson is tired of his friends continually expecting him to assist them in body disposal ever since he purchased a long, thick rug. “I didn’t realize how…
Terrorist murderer found not guilty by jury of his peers
KENOSHA, Wis. – Terrorist murderers breathed a sigh of relief today upon the news that a jury composed of twelve terrorism and murder sympathizers found terrorist murderer Kyle Rittenhouse …
True crime podcasters running out of ways to segue from life-ruining event to mattress commercial
WINNIPEG – Hosts of the smash-hit podcast “A Murder Most Un-Lit” have become mired in one of the most common foibles of true crime fame – the struggle to naturally segue from the rete…
5 celebrities and 1 murderer you didn’t know are Canadian
Canada is home to a ton of talented people (and a disturbing amount of murderers)! But sometimes when they get famous it’s in the U.S., and no one realizes they’re from the Great Whit…
Anti-vaxxers celebrate killing more people than most dictators
Miami, Florida – With vaccination rates stalling across the developed world even as the Delta Variant kills thousands every day, the global anti-vaccine movement is celebrating the fact tha…