Oshawa, ON – Local man Dalton Framer took time to savour the fact that he was finally allowed to walk into a crowded KFC without a mask, regardless of the fact that Ontario is currently fac…
Tag: mask
Single drop of sweat falls down local dad’s face as he tells daycare worker his child doesn’t have runny nose
TORONTO – As local father Jalen Hart told the worker asking COVID checklist questions at the front entrance of the Little Tot’s Playhouse daycare that his child Marcus did not have a …
Perfectionist locked in agonizing 16-month quandary over which mask to buy
REGINA – Anna Paulson has been visiting Aisle 15 of the Shoppers Drug Mart at Victoria Square at 12 p.m. every day for over one year mulling over which mask to buy. With eyes wide open and visibl…
Masked woman can’t stop smiling now that men can’t tell her to smile
Yellowknife, NWT – A local woman who regularly wears face masks cannot stop smiling, due to the fact that men can no longer tell her to smile. Naomi Abrams, 29, hasn’t been told to smile by a man…
Man without mask immune to COVID “because he’s outside”
MISSISSAUGA – Local area man, Garth Fuller, is reportedly immune to COVID because “he’s outside” and therefore, is not required to wear a mask. “It’s something with the wind,” said Garth Fu…
Santa Claus states fake Pandemic won’t stop him from entering anyone’s home
North Pole – Santa Claus has responded to questions about the pandemic affecting Christmas by saying he is not afraid of some “fake disease.” “I won’t let some left-wing conspiracy to destr…
Mask-wearing woman rehearses judgmental glare before taking public transit
VANCOUVER — Weeks after a mandatory mask policy was put in place on public transit, 35 year-old Devon McCarthy was fed up with people refusing to comply. After glaring judgmentally at maskless pe…
1994 film ‘The Mask’ cited as an example of the perils of masks
KITCHENER – The anti-mask group ‘Hugs Over Masks’ is using the 1994 Jim Carrey vehicle The Mask as an example of what can go wrong when people start wearing masks. “This documen…
Editorial: Fine I’ll wear a mask but I want people to see my new nose job
Editorial by Tiffany Renaldo I finally got the nose that I have dreamt about, but no one has even seen it because of these damn masks! Normally in March my Daddy sends me on a trip to Barbados, b…
Guy who won’t wear mask in store promises to pull out before he coughs
TORONTO – After a small business owner reminded him of the city bylaw mandating people to wear masks in indoor public spaces, local shopper Jason Anguiano insisted that since he doesn’t lik…