OTTAWA — Following recommendations by the Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction (CCSA) to put warning labels on alcohol, Health Canada has issued an advisory informing Canadians they can…
Tag: Health Canada
Health Canada draws attention to overlooked bivalent COVID vaccine by taking off its glasses and giving it bangs
OTTAWA – Officials at Health Canada have come up with a new strategy to drum up attention for the new bivalent COVID vaccine – by taking off its glasses and some chic bangs. “I know t…
Americans planning to “Move to Canada” following midterms asked to please bring some children’s medicine with them
NIAGARA FALLS – While the Democrats have fared better than expected in last night’s midterm elections, Health Canada has issued a request this morning that any political refugees stil…
Health Canada announces end of gay blood ban with celebratory suck and fuck fest
OTTAWA, ON – The ban on blood donations from men who have had sex with other men within the last three months has been lifted, as was announced earlier today by an oiled-up twink wearing on…
Adverse reaction experienced by ‘friend’s cousin’s boyfriend’ sole source of vaccine hesitancy
OTTAWA – Following a recent census, Health Canada has determined the sole source of vaccine hesitancy comes from an adverse reaction experienced by ‘friend’s, cousin’s, boyfriend’ or some s…
Health Canada announces fully vaccinated people allowed to cough into each other’s mouths again
OTTAWA – Announcing a new set of guidelines for Canadians before assembled press, representatives with Health Canada have confirmed that vaccinated residents are now permitted to cough directly i…
REPORT: that makeup in your purse getting real gross about now
NATIONWIDE – As Canadians slowly prepare to re-enter society after more than a year in lockdown, scientists around the country are warning makeup users not to use the products that have been sitt…
Canada approves another vaccine that you won’t get for like six months
OTTAWA – The Canadian government is pleased to announce that Health Canada has approved AstraZeneca’s COVID-19 vaccine, yet another vaccine that most Canadians won’t have access…
COVID vaccine gives hope to hundreds who love arguing about vaccines
NATIONWIDE – With the current rollout beginning for the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, many people across the country are excited about the chance to have bitter arguments about the safety and ef…
Trudeau announces new vaccine advent calendar
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that Canada will soon receive its first batch of COVID vaccinations, which will be distributed to Canadians using Health Canada’s new …