VICTORIA – In honour of Earth Day, the BC Government has reaffirmed its commitment to protect the province’s remaining ancient, old-growth forests using a number of varnishes, stains, or se…
Tag: British Columbia
PMO casually inquires how many oil tankers could sail through flooded parts of BC
OTTAWA – With large parts of British Columbia still underwater due to climate change-related rainfall, the Prime Minister’s Office has offered condolences and also lowkey asked whether oil …
Facebook adds new relationship option: “We’re fucking because they’re in my bubble”
Surrey, BC – Facebook has released a new relationship option for users who are fucking because they’re in each other’s bubbles. “It’s great,” said Mark Sanchez, who’s been sleeping with his…
Fuck it. Let’s do the pros and cons of glory holes
The British Columbian Centre for Disease Control has recommended using glory holes for sexual intercourse in order to minimize the spread of COVID-19 and honestly at this point, fuck it, let’s re…
Poll shows Canadian consumers want electric eel powered vehicles and they want them now
OTTAWA – A new poll has revealed that nearly 64% of Canadians want electric eels to replace gasoline as the primary transportation power source in Canada, and they want the conversion to ha…
Trudeau promises “best ever” reconciliation speech after RCMP break down Indigenous barricade for pipeline
HOUSTON, B.C. — As the RCMP arrested 14 people at the Gidimt’en camp, which is blocking access for pipeline construction, Prime Minister Trudeau pledged that his reconciliation speech…
Conservative aunt remarks, “It’s just a bad year for wildfires” for fourth year in row
WHITE ROCK, B.C. – With the haze of wildfire smoke as thick as her Mary Kay smokey eye, conservative-leaning aunt, Linda Bertolucci, calmly assured her family, “It’s just a bad year for wil…
CFL teams exceed salary cap due to minimum wage hike
TORONTO, ON – With preparations for the start of the 2018 CFL season well underway, several teams were greeted with a surprise at the start of training camp upon realizing the raised minimu…
We ranked the provinces and tried really hard not to put New Brunswick last
Canada is a country enriched by the rich tapestry of our provinces, each one demonstrating a distinct identity and unique characteristics. Naturally this begs the question: which provinces are go…
Trudeau aims for pipeline accord by Freaky Friday-ing Alberta, B.C.
OTTAWA — In an effort to secure the construction of the Trans Mountain oil pipeline, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has engineered a magical “body switch” on the provinces of Alberta and Bri…