GUELPH, ON – With the WeatherNetwork app down across the nation, a local man has bravely stepped outside to see if he can get a better signal. “How am I supposed to go out if I don’t know what th…
Tag: App
Home gyms struggle to retain members after early-pandemic trial period ends
VANCOUVER – At-home gyms across the country are reporting a steep drop in membership after an initial spike during the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic. “When the pandemic began rampin…
Canadian geese offer ass-to-door delivery of hot load of sidewalk shit
VAUGHAN, ON – A new startup helmed by Canadian geese is promising to deliver direct ass-to-door sidewalk goose shit to customers via their app, Instacrap. “Nothing signals the beginning of …
Uber driver has good chuckle about how he almost killed you both
TORONTO – This week, an Uber driver nearly drove his car into oncoming traffic, then made brief eye contact with you in the rearview mirror while chuckling about it. Rather than pulling over, or …
Child gets Facebook account to keep tabs on parents
SAINT JOHN, NB – Making sure they’re not getting into any serious trouble, local 13-year-old, Francis Hollander has recently created a Facebook account to keep track of her parent’s activit…
New and improved Google calendar now automatically reschedules your dentist appointment eight times
Mountain View, CA – Tech giant Google has unveiled a highly anticipated update to their calendar app, letting it automatically reschedule your dentist appointments so you don’t have to. “Wh…
Grindr update: Headless torso seeks head
VANCOUVER – Local gay hook-up app user h0rse_huñg, whose Grindr profile image features only a naked, headless torso, is reportedly seeking head. While experts speculate that the user may be…
Dating app algorithm operates on assumption that we have any fucking clue what we want
WATERLOO – A new dating app released yesterday plans to operate on the assumption that users have any tangible idea what they want, both from the app and from their romantic endeavours as …
Amazing! This highly effective dating app matches singles based on their targeted ads
Moments after Googling the phrase ‘skinny jeans not too skinny’, Reg Hofstetter saw the following targeted ad: ‘If you like these jeans, you might also like Sheila.’ The result? He super did. Thi…
New app locates hottest nearby places to curl up and die
SAN FRANCISCO – Taking Silicon Valley by storm, the new smartphone app ‘Surrendster’ uses GPS technology to find the hippest nearby place for you to go, cough once or twice, and…